There is More

January 14, 2014
Annie Scholl

I’m just getting back to the practice of meditation. Today I had that delicious moment – the one where you sink so fully into the silence that it feels like your head is floating, where you get a glimpse that we are so much more than this little package held together by skin.

“There is more… There is more” looped and looped.

As a young mother, I often felt guilty. I seemingly had it all – a good husband, beautiful children, wonderful friends, a nice home, a good job. And yet “there is more” nagged at me.

“Why isn’t this enough?” was the question that came before I shoved down the notion “there is more.”

“There is more” needled me in my second marriage – despite, once again, living a life where “more” seemed impossible because I already had so much. I pushed down this “more” because at some level I knew embracing it meant change. Meant different. Meant scary stuff.

But then the day came where this “more” refused to be ignored. I chose to listen. I chose to step out of my comfortable life and into one that was devoid of the familiar. It was terrifying and exhilarating. It was scary and beautiful. But it led to this moment: Contentment with self. Peace within self. Gratitude for the courage it took to listen–and to act.

I greet this “there is more” with excitement. I embrace it instead of pushing it away. I know it’s not requiring me to “do” anything but to instead simply open to it.

I feel all of the clichés: butterflies in the stomach, kid on Christmas morning….

I welcome “more.”

 

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